About Amy...

I'm basically a happy-type person. So this thing about feeling anger, fear, and sadness is really difficult for me (denial....i know.....i know.....) I just never learned how to express any of those feelings safely, so I managed to freeze those feelings waaaaaay deep inside me. And sadly, by doing that, I inadvertently turned off the ability to feel real joy and happiness and pleasure.

I think I'm really ready now to explore some of those icky feelings (or what I perceive to be icky feelings....). I recently asked a fellow Al-Anon member to be my sponsor (asking for help - another issue with which I struggle....I'm sure I can write more on that another time, but I must say here that I was REALLY pleased with myself for having what is for me the monumental courage to ask!) and we are getting together this week to make sure we can work together toward a common goal. And if all goes well, I should soon be embarking on the journey of the Twelve Steps. I'm flat-out scared of #4. I don't know what's down there, lurking beneath the "shining exterior" that I've worked so hard all these years to build. I know that the exterior will have to change after changing the interior, and I fear the repercussions of that as well.

All I really know for sure is that God is with me......And I'm REEEEEALLLLY going to need Him!

Peace out.....

Overwhelmed and Unsure

Okay, here we go.....

This is my first post. As the title states, I am right now feeling overwhelmed and unsure. Why in the world did I decide that I need to blog? The idea popped into my head about two weeks ago, and hasn't let go of my brain since. So here we go.....

I am a newly-recovering codependent. I was lead to Alanon in May of 2008. It has become the biggest and best turning point in my life. I'm quite sure I'd be divorced right now and would have moved on to another impossible relationship had it not been suggested by my counselor that I get into the Alanon program. After almost forty years of feeling like a defective non-feeling alien, I have finally "found my people."

I am learning to use all the wonderful new tools of the Alanon program, and have come to the conclusion that I would like to share my thoughts and feelings on a blog. Maybe someone will read this. Maybe noone will read this. I will do this just for myself. I'm worth it.....:-)

I look forward to your posts.